Family Rant

  I’ve learned in life that family is a funny thing. The word is defined as “a group of persons descended from a common relative.” “Descendants” has never mattered in my house. I have two sisters. When I was in elementary school I learned that they were my “half sisters.” What half of them am I related to? Never had I heard this expression! My Mom never used it, and neither do my sisters or myself. When I was very young I had two step-brothers. At the age of 5, when my Mom split from their Dad, I learned what that meant. It didn’t matter to me then that they were not related to me by blood, and it doesn’t matter to me twenty one years later. My Mom taught me that family ties (biological or otherwise) run deep, and you ALWAYS go to bat for family.

  I met my biological father when I 15 years old. I found him by searching his name on the internet (this was in 1998, when the internet was just getting big). I spent two summers at his house in Alabama and two winter vacations with him in Mexico. He cut me out his life when I was 18 because I couldn’t make the 16 hour trip from Texas to Alabama when my Grandfather died (I had no money or transportation to get there. My Dad’s sister was passing right by my town and I would’ve ridden with her if I had known). During the time we were on speaking terms he introduced me to his two brothers and his sister and a few of my cousins. When I was 21, I got engaged. I thought it was time to re-connect with Dad. He had missed every mile stone in my life (including my graduation) and I thought it would be nice for him to be able to be at my wedding. He apologized for ignoring me for three years and swore that he had missed me and wanted nothing more than to be at my wedding. We spoke regularly for the next two years. Then, about 10 months before the wedding, he stopped answering my calls. I have no idea why. I know he didn’t die because I called him from a phone with an out-of-state number and he answered. I was upset for long time. It hurt my feelings that after all we had been through he could just walk away from his own child, his own flesh and blood, with seemingly no second thought. But more than that, I was sad that I missed out on knowing my cousins. Especially “Puddin’” and “Boogie,” the two cousins I had spent the most time with. Thankfully I was able to find them on Facebook and am able to get to know them in that way.

  That was my blood relative. I was lucky enough to have a step dad, who may not have been perfect, but who never let me down when it really mattered (miss you Buddy). I have another “Dad” who does not share a blood line with me with me either. The person I call “Dad” and who gets a Father’s Day present every year is actually my Mom’s third cousin’s husband (ex-husband now, actually). He has been around since I was 8 years old and he still is. To this day if I break down on the side of the road, or need an oil change, or help cleaning the pool, I call Dad. If he came to me tomorrow and told me that he needed a place to stay I would start clearing out a room. Dad has several children beside my sisters and me. None of them are biologically his, but they’re all my cousins.

  I have a cousins in Mississippi that I haven’t spent any really time with in the last 20 years. But tomorrow if I called them and told them that I was broken down an hour from their house I know that they would come running.

  I have an Aunt (my Uncle’s wife) who has been tremendous help to my entire family. And even though my Uncle has passed on and she has re-married, she is still there for any of us, any time.

 Until I was shunned my biological father, I thought all families functioned this way. If you hurt my people, I hurt you! But I have recently discovered that there are people within my own family who do not have these same values. I won’t go in to specifics but I do think that it is sad when you can’t trust a member of your own family. It shouldn’t matter if you see a person every day or once every twenty years, you should value that relationship. After all, if you can’t count on family, who can you count on?

Just a little rant…

Trust in Relationships

**I applied to write relationship articles. Since I had this thought about trust issues I figured I may as well write about it and use it as another sample of work.**

  This morning while talking to a good friend about her relationship, it occurred to me that a lot of what complicates relationships is a lack of trust. How many of our issues could be solved if we just stopped checking our significant other's text messages, MySpace pages, and Facebook? If you really feel that you HAVE to check on your partner then there IS something seriously wrong with your relationship...either with him, or with you.

  I get it ladies, I do. You've been hurt in the past and now you're insecure. All too often I hear women saying "All men are dogs." I don't think this is fair to our men! There are some good men out there (I just happen to have the best one, by the way) and we just have to learn to shut the door on the issues we are bringing from our past. If we never give our men the chance to prove themselves faithful, loyal, and deserving of our love then they will never take the opportunity to do so. Don't punish your current man for things that have been done to you in the past.

  In life I have found that people usually rise to the expectations set for them. If you always expect someone to do the wrong thing, eventually they will. It’s like the saying "If you go looking for trouble you will find it." So if you're constantly hounding your man about "who is texting you from this number?" And “Why did this girl leave this message on your MySpace?" Or "Who is this chick on your Facebook?" Eventually they will say enough is enough and either let one of those other girls comfort them, or leave you because you're lack of trust is hurtful to them.

  On the other hand, if your man has cheated on you in the past and you took him back, you either have to let the indiscretion go, or let him go. There is no relationship without trust. You took him back so you are obligated to forgive him. You either forgive him or you don't. There is no grey area. If you truly mean you forgive him, start re-building your relationship. But you have to stop going through his things, stop questioning him when he works late, stop policing his social networks. You took him back; now MEAN that you forgive him. If you can't stop doing all those things, then you truly did not forgive him and it may be time to move on.

   It all begins with trust. If you don't have it, you have nothing. If you're dating or married to man who you're suspicious of, then not only are you suffering, your relationship is a sham. Trust is built slowly over time, but can be shattered in an instant. All of your prying can lead to YOU seeming like the untrustworthy one.

“A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.” -Charles Kingsley (I love this quote because it reminds me of Hermy and me)

Interracial couples on the rise

In today’s modern world it is astonishing to think that interracial relationships could be considered taboo by any rational person. In the last 40 years society has come a long way in the acceptance of partners of different races.

                Some U.S. states still had laws forbidding interracial marriage as late as the 1960’s. In 1967 the Supreme Court deemed all anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional making it legal for all races to marry. Since that time there has been a significant rise in the not only the number of interracial marriages but also of interracial co-habitation.

                According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly 15 percent of new marriages in the United States in 2008 were between spouses of different races or ethnicities. That is six times higher than recorded in 1960. If you take co-habitation in to consideration the number of interracial couples is even higher. For example, although only 7 percent of married African American men had Caucasian American wives in 2008, 13 percent of African American men reported co-habitation with someone of another race.

                Interracial couples are even displayed more frequently on T.V. (Ross had a black girlfriend on Friend’s) and in movies (Zoe Saldana and Ashton Kutcher in the re-make of Guess Who). We are seeing couples of all ethnicities together in the media: Seal and Hedi Klum; Eva Longoria and Tony Parker; Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves.

                It has become common to see interracial couples in our society. The rise of interracial marriage and co-habitation is reflected on T.V., in the movies, and in the media.

Chaotic Construct

I am starting this blog site for a few reasons. One, I am trying to get work at a freelance writer and most potential employers are looking for sample writing from the web. Also, I like to write and need an out let. I will be posting a wide variety of writing from poems, to articles that I am trying to publish, to just random things that occur in my chaotic mind. I will try to organize them accordingly, but to be honest I don't have this blog thing down yet so it may take just a little while. Your patience is appriciated.
Please feel free to post your own random writing as well!