Trust in Relationships

**I applied to write relationship articles. Since I had this thought about trust issues I figured I may as well write about it and use it as another sample of work.**

  This morning while talking to a good friend about her relationship, it occurred to me that a lot of what complicates relationships is a lack of trust. How many of our issues could be solved if we just stopped checking our significant other's text messages, MySpace pages, and Facebook? If you really feel that you HAVE to check on your partner then there IS something seriously wrong with your relationship...either with him, or with you.

  I get it ladies, I do. You've been hurt in the past and now you're insecure. All too often I hear women saying "All men are dogs." I don't think this is fair to our men! There are some good men out there (I just happen to have the best one, by the way) and we just have to learn to shut the door on the issues we are bringing from our past. If we never give our men the chance to prove themselves faithful, loyal, and deserving of our love then they will never take the opportunity to do so. Don't punish your current man for things that have been done to you in the past.

  In life I have found that people usually rise to the expectations set for them. If you always expect someone to do the wrong thing, eventually they will. It’s like the saying "If you go looking for trouble you will find it." So if you're constantly hounding your man about "who is texting you from this number?" And “Why did this girl leave this message on your MySpace?" Or "Who is this chick on your Facebook?" Eventually they will say enough is enough and either let one of those other girls comfort them, or leave you because you're lack of trust is hurtful to them.

  On the other hand, if your man has cheated on you in the past and you took him back, you either have to let the indiscretion go, or let him go. There is no relationship without trust. You took him back so you are obligated to forgive him. You either forgive him or you don't. There is no grey area. If you truly mean you forgive him, start re-building your relationship. But you have to stop going through his things, stop questioning him when he works late, stop policing his social networks. You took him back; now MEAN that you forgive him. If you can't stop doing all those things, then you truly did not forgive him and it may be time to move on.

   It all begins with trust. If you don't have it, you have nothing. If you're dating or married to man who you're suspicious of, then not only are you suffering, your relationship is a sham. Trust is built slowly over time, but can be shattered in an instant. All of your prying can lead to YOU seeming like the untrustworthy one.

“A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.” -Charles Kingsley (I love this quote because it reminds me of Hermy and me)